In The Mind Of Tri is a very simple show concept. Stand in front of a camera, voice my opinions/thoughts on the video game industry...hell, anything that I want to talk about really...but condense it into 5 minute bursts. Getting the thought process started by putting various things on a pedestal for the world to see. Some might consider it a "calling companies out on their shit" and that would be just as true.
However, in the process of brainstorming for the show; as with every piece of my creative development, certain things were happening in my life. Video games have slipped fairly far down my priorities list. I've experienced graduating from college, loving and losing one of my best relationships (I've talked about her on Just 1 More Level in the past) and right now I'm tangled up in countless projects that aren't making money.
So in all of this, I've been fighting internally over where I'm at. How myself is doing. Several times I've bounced around trying to figure out exactly what I'm doing. As thr spending is going up on my end, the money I'm getting from the actual job isn't leaving as much profit at the end of the month when it's time to start paying all over again. Figuring out what I need to do and still enjoy the entire thing in the process has always been a challenge. One that has inconsistent results. While it would be so fucking amazing to have random people throwing money at me...that isn't the plan or goal of the Mind initiative.
I guess what all this rambling is about ties into what I'm wanting to do with the new show. Placing things on platforms for me to opening discuss with myself. A blog article dedicated to the show, with an actual show and kicking it off with my thoughts on me. I mean,
I've grown so much on the business, creative, innovative and social aspects to my life. Motivated, driven to succeed, a never give up attitude...complemented with an "everything can be accomplished" mentality. I'm not perfect, but I will be damned if I don't strive to be. With anything in do, I always see potential for improvement.
Hell, I've made mistakes, countless trial and errors moments have occurred through out my 24 years. That hasn't stopped me though. It has never made me ever believe the fight wasn't worth it. Doesn't matter how much I've been tested.
Two separate relationships, in which I spent 2 years a piece in. Ultimately, having both relationships die. My most recent ending is still being felt. As much as I've grown and improved...my heart has quite leveled up enough to withstand the hurt.
With, let's call her L, I poured open my soul. Being comfortable wasn't even in the ballpark of how I felt. Not even close. She was my world, still is by the way I sound. And I know she put so much of her into the relationship as well. Nothing was off guard; we often talked about everything while we were on the phone for hours and hours at a time.
Needless to say, when we went south...my world crumbled. But somehow I endured, even though that void still exists. I've just been able to make it tolerable. I don't sleep well, the stresses of the day pile on. But I put on my business face and trudge through. Even though everything ached inside. Every breath, blink, movement...the hole of having someone be so close. To know you so well. And then have them break that foundation. To break such a powerful bond....hurt worse than any sports injury I sustained. Hurt worse than cutting myself with a saw, grinding my body against gravel during a bike race...
In a way, this will be an outlet. I've never been publicly open about my feelings or emotions or the breakdown of what makes me, me. So this will be an interesting undertaking. Obviously there will remain secrets, items about myself that stay hidden in the shadows.
So...summary...um...words with more words make sentences....yeah that.